Being bold in coaching is not something you necessarily associate with being a new or practicing coach. Boldness can be misconstrued with aggression. A new coach often feels it is not their place to be bold with their coachees. However, confidence developed through boldness leads to more powerful conversations.
Having trained hundreds of coaches there are some easy ways to develop boldness in coaching conversations, without having to be too vulnerable, or exposed. Over time, practice and reflection around this boldness will become part of your natural coaching style. Here are some initial thoughts around this:
1. Get your contracting right
Time and exploration in contracting, discussing the relationship, feedback and challenge, understanding personality styles will give you a foundation of client understanding to help tailor language and approaches. In this brings confidence. Too many newer coaches only glance over contracting and don’t you that time to ‘get under the skin’ of their coachees.
2. Establish boundaries and areas of play
If both parties discuss and understand the boundaries of the conversation, where the conversation will and won’t go. This then allows you to have comfort in what is your playground in the session. There is great freedom in that playground. Again, should be explored in the contracting.
3. Test the waters
Not sure how a coachee might respond? Test the waters. On a low risk question or situation, test with a question which might on the surface be a little uncomfortable. See what happens. If it works great, you can repeat or push a little further. If it doesn’t work you can explore with the coachee about that question and what it brought up for them. And perhaps how you might approach a similar situation again.
4. Follow up and use what they say
By doing this it is of less risk to them, less of a need to be overly vulnerable. This is because you are using their words, feelings, experiences and facts. These can be their places of comfort and understanding that you are exploring. Over time push further and deeper with your exploration.
5. Explore thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences
Many new coaches stay at the top and only question superficially around facts or behaviours. Only by going beneath the surface and exploring thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences can more meaning and understanding be derived. Supported by the work of Dr. Alan Watkins. Diving into coachee thoughts and feelings can be scary. So, wait until you hear a coachee express or reference them. When they do this is an opportunity to stop and explore this a little further. See what happens. Or, when you hear something you think important, stop and ask permission to explore that a little further. Unlikely they will say no.
6. Coaching isn’t a straight line
Often when you are new to coaching it is tempting to ask questions to solutionise and fix the situation as quickly as you can. So, going from A to Z without stopping. However, there is huge value to both parties by stopping often en route to Z. When leaving from A you might get to G and hear something interesting. So, spend time exploring this with the coachee. Then perhaps you move on and you get to N and that seems to be challenging for the coachee. So, you unpack it a little. Eventually you get to Z. By doing this you are naturally building up your confidence in managing the conversation, playing with it, and becoming more bold.
7. Create a hypothetical situation
Create a scenario parallel to theirs and explore that. Use questions around the third person rather than first. This allow the coachee to not be too vulnerable. At the end of the exploration relate it back to the coachee. What they took from it, what it meant for them, how it relates to their situations. The distance through the hypothetical scenario allows for a different, less personal perspective.
8. Provide an external observation
Pick up on something said or done and provide an observation on it. By doing this it makes it less personal, less subjective in the moment. ‘Can I share and observation with you?’ Question around this and see what arises.
Being bolder doesn’t have to be difficult, overly uncomfortable or too invasive in the conversation. It requires practices and focus to achieve a comfort for both parties.
Abintus, what we can do for you…
- We can help diagnose your organisation’s readiness for coaching, as well as audit your current offerings around coaching to help take them to the next level.
- Abintus can train your coaches to an exceptional standard, building in your localised needs and challenges. Ensuring your coaching content makes a difference to coaches and the organisation
- We can provide coaching CPD and supervision to your coaches. Offering support and a safe place for your coaches to discuss their coaching and experiences.
- We can ‘coach your coaches’ to enhance their confidence and competence in their coaching activities.
- Check out our coaching support and CPD activities we can offer you here.
Nick Howell is a qualified coach, supervisor, facilitator and assessor. Working with organisations across all sectors. He is also the author of best selling book, ‘Great Coaching Questions’.